a tough year, indeed.

too many ups and downs and roller coaster movements.

:)

NEAR TO YOU

a fine frenzy

He and I had something beautiful, but so dysfunctional, it couldn't last.

I loved him so, but I let him go, cause I knew he'd never love me back.

Such pain as this shouldn't have to be experienced.

I'm still reeling from the loss, still a little bit delirious.

Near to you, I am healing! But it's taking so long.

cause though he's gone, and YOU ARE WONDERFUL, it's hard to move on.

yet, I'M BETTER NEAR TO YOU :)

You and I have something different, and I'm enjoying it cautiously.

I'm battle scarred, I am working so hard to get back to who I used to be.

He's disappearing, fading suddenly.

I'M SO CLOSE TO BEING YOURS.

Won't you stay with me, please?

I only know that I am better where you are.

Yet, I'm better near to you. :')

:D

rasanya seperti mandi air hangat setelah hari yang berat.

rasanya seperti cuci muka dengan air es setelah berlarian stadion puluhan kali.

rasanya seperti sekoteng hangat di dini hari dengan hujan yang lebat.

rasanya seperti es teh manis setelah puasa tapi lupa sahur.

rasanya seperti itu. menyenangkan. menenangkan. menyembuhkan.

rasanya seperti itu ternyata, kembali jatuh cinta :)

This is a short story about a man,

and his wonderful ability to make me laugh.

He's just so loveable.

unfair..
its me! not her..

this wrong thing just make me feel this right!
gezz

bye.

Quite blogging until done with my final exam.
I need to quite writing something anything about him.

Picture by pizzadreams.deviantart

coffee - copeland

I'll stay up all night to hear about your day

Picture by mervecan.deviantart

and when I realized, you're just, gone..

juliadavis.deviantart

lari dari kenyataan sejauh 5 km..

Kenapa Aku Mau Usaha?

K.A.M.U

need chance. mean it :(

Picture by djoe.deviantart

stuck.

Picture by djoe.deviantart

mayday!

too busy to be sad lately.
but he's coming every night in my dream.
half tired, half happy. well, to be honest i miss him.

me back to work.

she and him. or me and you? :')

I like to learn things slow
I like learning a lot
I like to get it all again and in the end
You know you get what you got
I like to mean what I say
But it don't always come through
Because if I say it all again, again, again
It doesn't make it all true

And the world's like a science
And I'm like a secret
And I saw you lingering still, still
I saw you lingering still

It's all just news to me
Don't really care if it hurts
Because if I know it, I won't know it
Then I know that it will only get worse
He was different at first
But then he won't understand
Because he's never going to know me
If he doesn't want to just shake my hand

And the world's like a science
And I'm like a secret
And I saw you lingering still, still
I saw you lingering still

goodluck for monday :')

I still have our picture on my wall. I still put that bottle of wine on my desk. People asking why. And I asking them back, the same question with so..

So why?

i dont belong to anyone. and nobody belongs to me..

i never ever asked you to stay. but if you do, just lay down here.
i never ever asked you to hear. but if you do, just listen.
i never ever asked you to love me. but if you do, just keep trying.

There's no Romeo and Juliet love story these days.
If you die, I'm here. If you go, I stay. If you leave, I'm not going anywhere.

I won't following you.
But I'm waiting.

...

Here, sit down. Let me tell you something. Easy. Don't speak. Just listen. Okay?
I don't want your comment. I just need you to know whats on my mind.

I'm gone, but I'm here. I'm crying, but I'm laughing.
I'm running, but I'm waiting.

clear enough?

Picture by nerdynotdirty.deviantart

letter to you.

Picture by Rendy Putra Mahardhika

Sudah terlalu larut untuk menunggu. Siaran telah berhenti. Matikan, lalu kembali ke tempat tidur. Mari istirahat, gadis kecil. Masalah besok kamu akan kembali adalah masalah besok. Setidaknya saat ini, istirahtlah..

11:44

We have to stay alive, because we have to see how the story ends.

jordan roark - my sassy girl

Picture by franzoise.deviantart

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Harvey Mackay

Picture by smur.deviantart

and in another other second, I will scream my pain under my pillow.

SHIT!

At a moment, I just feels like I'm willing to give everything just to get you back. I'm shivering. Crying. Hard breathing. Insane.. But in another second, I just feels like I can drop the past.

nadir.

So I finally turned up at this point.

I've got this from his twitter page:
"There's no such thing as destiny. There are only different choices. Some choices are easy, some aren't." (Walter Sparrow)

Now I choose to just stop. Not an easy choice.

but i adore you still. as always.

kaki hati yang diluar kendali nurani

ini semua selalu sesuka kamu. kalau kamu mau cepat yah kamu lari, ga mau noleh-noleh lagi, aku ditinggal terengah di belakang. saat aku ikutan lari kamu berhenti, hanya memandangi pundakku, tidak memanggil hingga akhirnya aku sadar kalau sudah tinggal sendiri. lalu aku diam, menunggu kamu sampai, tapi kamu seenaknya belok ke kanan, dan berganti haluan ke kiri saat aku baru akan memutar jalan. selalu sesuka kamu, hatiku kram kaku dan membiru kelelahan berkejaran. capek. tapi ngga bisa berhenti membuntuti. sial!

Picture by bigboydenis.deviantart

..

I ever tried so damn hard to stay be your anything, or just even something.
I used to believe that anything was better than nothing.
But I guess now I know that sometimes nothing is better.
Nothing just better..

Picture by imaginism.deviantart

well. yes I'm not quite sure actually.

a short random journey in deviantart

SO MANY PHOTOGRAPHERS. SO FEW TALENTED!

Find out that my life getting better lately.
Somehow.

Eh. I miss you anyway.

Picture by cef.deviantart

Just sitting and thinking..
Then find out..
I'm surprisingly fine these days.
I meant it..
:)

6.24

good morning pain.
when will you leave?
happy 9.24 boy.
when will you back, won't you?

do I want you back still?

monolog.

Gadis itu menggelengkan kepalanya cepat. Saya tidak gila. Tapi sekerumun malaikat mencengkramnya. Menarik kedua tangannya, mengikatnya. Gadis itu meronta. Kalian menyakiti saya dengan mengikat saya begini, berbisik lirik setengah terisak. Malaikat itu makhluk baik, gadis manis. Mereka ingin menjauhkanmu dari tangan nakalmu yang berusaha melukai dadamu sendiri. Tapi dengan cara ini mereka juga melukai aku, erang Gadis. Tidak ada yang mungkin bisa menyembuhkan luka dengan luka.

Biarkan saja saya menyakiti diri. Kalian tidak berbeda. Menghisap daun juga menyakiti diri, tapi menyenangkan kan sakitnya?, Gadis berteriak membela diri. Nah, jadi biarkan saja dia terluka, seperti kalian melukai kepala dan darah diri sendiri. Akui saja, kita semua mencandu luka. Lagipula, Gadis suka debar perihnya, suka bulir air menghangati matanya. Dia bukan terobsesi, hanya menikmati gundah, nanti juga akan lelah. Lebih baik saya terluka oleh luka yang saya suka, dibanding kalian alihkan luka dengan luka yang saya tak kenal apa, gadis mendebat. Terimakasih untuk hatinya. Menyenangkan sekali diperhatikan. Tapi saya masih belum ingat caranya tertawa, biarkan saja saya belajar kembali, dimulai dari bagaimana caranya meringis.

* I still won't unfollow him so far :)

You are the one who really understand how weak I am.. How hard I am foolin in love with you.. How hurt I am with all the holy shit pain inside. But you are also the one who really know who really I am. How hard thinker I am.. And how strong I will learn to forget all this lonely love story.

You know I will half die because all of this shit, but you also really know that the other half of myself struggle and will survive.

there's no happy ending.

.. And maybe a HAPPY ENDING doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

* gigi - he's just not that into you

Picture by complejo.deviantart

cacat.

Sudah tahu akan sakit, kenapa masih dilakukan? Kamu yang bolak balik membuka plester lukamu sendiri, anak bodoh. Merelakan itu sulit, tapi hidup dengan luka itu sakit. Jangan sok kuat. Menangis saja, tapi jangan korek2 lukamu sendirian, nanti membusuk, cacat..

Biar saja luka ini tidak sembuh. Aku mau cacat saja. Cacat itu berarti sudah tidak lagi berasa. Tidak ada lagi sakitnya.

Kamu semakin bodoh. Memang tidak ada rasanya, tapi cacat itu berbekas. Cacat itu terlihat tidak sempurna.

Itu yang aku mau. Cacat. Agar lain kali, aku berpikir dua kali sebelum memutuskan untuk jatuh lagi.. Dan atau, agar aku ingat untuk tidak jatuh lagi. Untuk tidak akan pernah jatuh lagi..

..

One of my bestfriend, Arif Nindito said that, "Girls we love for what they are; Young men for what they promise to be."

We love young men for what they promise to be..
What they promise to be..

I love a man, for how they proved they promise(s)..

So, I must stop loving you.

moving into another me

Picture by stefano83.deviantart

Wait a minute, tears.
Turn to you again later.

back to journal again, mask to wear: the tough one

sweet bitter five.

A new step that you do to go away from me equals to a new wounds of lie from all the broken vow from your mouth.

I hate that I can't hate you still!

Pending

I have wings, I'm just not ready to fly.
Too dark, I don't want to get lost.

Picture by caramel26.deviantart
She's one of my fave.

Oh. Have you ever heard the old man said, "Love when you are ready, not when you are lonely.." ?
Unsteady. I'm in repair.

Okay. Going back to my economic of international finance journals. My other box of life.

click.

Picture by godinc.deviantart

We have many things to do in life. Me either. When the brain win, beat the heart, my sanity comes and my logic stay, I'll be able to tell calmly to myself, "Hei, you won't stop here. Life is not just about this lonely love story. Get a life!"


But sometimes, all I can see is YOUR PART.
.. and suddenly everything else gonna be, blur..

drown

What do you do when the infection hits you, when it takes over? Do you do what you're supposed to and take your medicine? Or do you learn to live with the thing and hope someday it goes away? Or do you just give up entirely and let it kill you?

I love Meredith Grey.

What do I do? What do you think what do I do now? Well, looks like I give up entirely and let it kill me. But no, deep inside, I learn to live with this fucking sore and pain and broken heart and what so ever called tears while hoping someday it goes away.. I just hope one day, one morning, I'll open up my eyes and ziiiiiiiiiiing, I just forget about you. There's no you, not even a little part. I wished I will be strong enough to stand up and take my medicine. I wished there is a strong enough medicine to take over this shit.

Nya nya nya. You really left me messing up here.

Picture by egoistic.deviantart

..

There are two happiness. Your happiness, and my happiness. And for me, you are my happiness. I gave all my life to you, on your hand.

Can I take it back?

Picture by diorgarnusa.deviantart

goodnight, nadia..

Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of.
And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget.
And sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present.
* meredith grey - grey's anatomy

Passive Agressive

There are many things that I would like to say to you,
but I don't know how..
* oasis

Hei you, how are you?
I bet you're doin great there. On someplace else, with someone else..
So how's life? What's new? Looks like you've replaced me already, huh? How's Miss. Olivia? Or Lady Lake? Or someone blast from the past? Or Miss. Manado? :')

Well. I'm doin good here. TETOT! Yes okay, I'm lying. I miss you. I miss your robotic face on a bad skype connection. I miss your laughs! I miss your incredible stories. I even miss your curses. I miss you. I do simply missing you.

It's hard, you know? Stay here, and watching every little pieces. I'm still walking to the same direction, but there's no your warm hand to holds me again. Sometimes I just lose my mind, smell your skin on my pillow, feel your warm skin, or even feel your kisses. God damn it, why do I still can feel you in me?

Maybe I'm stuck here. No, I'm not waiting but I just can't moving on..

Love,
me

Picture by brigittart.deviantart

stuck

Picture by elifkarakoc.deviantart

.. and I'm just standing still, looked at the scattered pieces of memories, and don't know what to do, or even how to move.

"So what, Dan?! ..I loved you, and just because we broke up doesn't mean I can just turn it off like that.."
* serena - gossip girl

Why are you, guys, always assumed that is easy to get out from life? I mean, ME, MYSELF, I AM also do wished that falling out love just as easier as falling in love with you. I wished I could move on since the first day you walk out the door. I wished I could hate you since the last day you say you love me.

Do you think I enjoying this pain? Hell you!

If you just cured rapidly, doesn't mean it will also happen with me. Have you ever think you left me here will all the distraction, alone? I'm pretending I'm fine. I do lying to you, to all people we know, to myself. Yes, you right about your tweet tomorrow. skr munafik udh menjadi jalan hidup seseorg biar survive..... knp ga jujur aja ma diri sendiri... jiakakakakakkak . But do i have any other choice?

I can't stop you to moving on, just like you can't turn my love off.






















Picture by m0thyyku.deviantart

begining of the new ending

I started a new life. New life? Rrrr nothing new actually. I still live in the same town, sleeping in the same room, doing almost the same routines, still share a laugh with the same friends, and still get the task deadline from the same campus. Well nothing changed.

I wrote a new blog, just to make sure I AM FINE! I just wanted to run away from all the old stories about you. I just wanted to convince myself that I can create some new stories, and new life without you. The night turned out longer than usual, but I guess the dawn was about to come. Still dark, but I can smell the light.

Thank you for yesterday, Rendy Putra. Maybe I'll drink some coffee again tomorrow, but at least not today..

Picture by pablobarra.deviantart