Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up. 


- Grey's Anatomy

aku hanya berusaha untuk jatuh cinta pelan pelan.

setidaknya, hempasannya tidak akan menggores terlalu banyak luka..

I just wondering, is there anyone ever told you that a daily routine conversation, more than 3 hours a day, each day, everyday, can make a girl, well.. falling?

my kind of.. man.

1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?
Not on my top wishlist. But I thank God if I got one.

2. Smart?
Oh well, who can stand talking to a brainless one?

3. Preferred age?
At my age. Hmm. A few months younger, probably. Okay, it isn't a criteria. It's a wish :p

4. Preferred height?
Taller!

5. How about sense of humor?
I love laughing.

6. How about piercings?
No, please?

7. Accepts you for who you are?
So damn sure!

8. Pink hair?
-__________-"

9. Mushy or no?
NO! Being mushy is my part in a relationship :p

10. Thin or fat?
In between.

11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
Brown?

12. Long hair or short hair?
SHORT! I don't wanna married a rockstar.

13. Plastic or metal?
?

14. Smells good?
Its a must!

15. Smoker?
I prefer no. But its okay. So okay.

16. Drinker?
A mineral water?

17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
Yes.

18. Muscular?
Not too much.

19. Plays piano?
OH YES PLEASE!

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
AN ACOUSTIC ONE :9

21. Plays violin?
YES YES YES!

22. Sings very good?
As long as he wants to sing with me :D

23. Vain?
?

24. With glasses?
Oh, its hot!

25. With braces?
Its okay.

26. Shy type?
Wow. My kind of sexy :p

27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
Rebel in a good way?

28. Active or passive?
Active one, please.

29. Tight or bomb?
?

30. Singer or dancer?
A reader?

31. Stunner?
In a good way.

32. Hiphop?
NO!

33. Earrings?
Fucking no!

34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
zz. Of course not!

35. Dimples?
No!

36. Bookworm?
OH IM GONNA LOVE HIM MUCH! :D

37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
cant figure..

38. Playful?
But not a player one.

39. Flirt?
Just with me :p

40. Poem writer?
No.

41. Serious?
with additional fun :D

42. Campus crush?
hmm. okay.

43. Painter?
Not really, but having one must be nice :D

44. Religious?
Well, I guess I need someone who have faith.

45. Someone who likes to tease people?
cant figure.

46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
Oh it will be fun! :D

47. Speaks 20 languages?
zz

48. Loyal or faithful?
Both! Well, faithful first.

49. Good kisser?
A must!

50. Loves children?
I wished :D

jadi rasa itu ujungnya kecewa, ternyata..

apa kamu pernah jatuh cinta?

kalau saya tentu iya. dan yang kepadamu ini bukan yang pertama.

kalaupun akhirnya gagal juga bukan yang pertama.

dan kalaupun juga akhirnya aku menangis juga bukanlah kali pertama.

kamu biasa saja.

perjalanan yang biasa, dengan rute naik turun yang biasa..

yang tersajikan juga biasa saja.

aku sudah hafal tawa debar bahagianya..

aku juga selalu ingat tangis pilu sedihnya..

kamu bukanlah kali pertama.

jadi kalau akhirnya malam ini kamu pamit pergi,

tidak mengapa kok.

aku sudah biasa.

lagi pula satu purnama juga belum..

tenang saja, aku tidak apa-apa.

aku sudah biasa.

iyaaaa,

kamu pergi saja.

tangis ini bukan apa-apa.

nanti juga kering sendiri.

aku sudah biasa,

dan kamu bukanlah kali pertama..

:')

Tuhan,

aku mohon, izinkan aku dan dia berbagi cinta.

aku sih dengan suka cita membagi cintaku untuknya.

tapi bukakan hatinya, oh Tuhan, agar dia mau membagiku cintanya.

sedikit juga tidak apa-apa..

jika kau mau tau seberapa aku mencintaimu,

begini,

sekarang sudah pukul 2.30 dan aku masih terjaga. tidak sendirian kok. aku berdua. ditemani gundah.

stop! jangan masukkan harap lebih banyak ke dadaku. rongganya sudah hampir terkoyak! hatiku bisa rusak.